book review: “what about us?”

By Sara Parko, LSW, PMH-C

Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW, Founding Director of the Postpartum Stress Center, speaker, advocate and pioneer in the maternal mental health field - is also a wonderful author and her most recent book “What About Us?” published in 2021 is the perfect resource for postpartum couples eager to safeguard their “over-anxious, over-extended, sleep-deprived relationship.”  

My family and I welcomed our second baby girl a year ago - a very sweet, little Valentine’s day gift. I’ve always been a fan of Kleiman’s work, but I picked this book up not just with my clients in mind but to support my own partnership as well. Yes, we can know “all the things” (no one really does) and still benefit from solid reminders, new skills, opportunities for reflection and encouragement towards tough, yet important, conversations in our relationships. 

“What About Us?” talks about the good, the bad and the ugly (cough cough, the most vulnerable topics) of postpartum. 

The good - We’ll start by calling out that each hard topic, while relatable, also offers prompts for reconnecting with your partner, having a hard conversation or utilizing resources to help problem-solve. “Research shows that when couples attend to the needs of their partners, both individuals report greater happiness and long-term satisfaction,” Kleiman explains (p. 2). 

The bad - okay, let’s call it the hard. “Sorry for what I said when I was feeling crappy” reads the title on page 27. Many of us may relate to the expression “hangry” – well, in pregnancy that could be hormones plus hunger and “hangry” can really put you over the edge. “Your biggest enemy right now is the lack of filter that comes with being depleted” (p. 27). Have no fear, there’s “12 tips for good communication” outlined to support you through your next relationship repair. 

The ugly - aka the stuff that makes us feel super vulnerable. From intimacy postpartum, body changes, questioning ourselves as parents and infertility and loss, “What About Us?” pulls back the covers on the experiences that are often so relatable but unfortunately not spoken aloud. So should you be wondering “What happened to my vagina?” or “Am I just like my Dad?” you’re not the only one.  

Utilizing thoughtful reflection and relatable comics this book helps to highlight our innervoice. “We should remember how good this feels the next time we get on each other’s nerves” says a woman feeling connected to her partner on page 138. Maybe you’ve thought that too, I know I have. This book also reminds us that our partnership is the center, primary, and most important relationship as we navigate through a stressful time. By focusing on our partnership, we safeguard what is most sacred and also increase our feelings of support, success and love. 

I’m a firm believer that no two postpartum experiences are the same. I’ve had two babies and I can attest to that lived experience. But, seeing on paper the thoughts and feelings that we often don’t say out loud can be so validating. Reading what may be going through the minds of our partners is so insightful and humanizing. Having a trusted guide to navigate the hard stuff during an overwhelming and “magical” time is priceless. 

Reference:

Kleiman, K. (2021). What About Us? Familius LLC.