Beyond Luck: How CBT and Radical Acceptance Can Support my Empowerment
Life often feels like a game of chance. Some days, it seems like everything is going your way—a close parking spot, a surprise compliment, an email with good news. Other days? Not so much. It’s easy to fall into the narrative of being “lucky” or “unlucky,” but what if luck isn’t the defining factor in our happiness and resilience? What if the real key lies in how we think, feel, and act in response to life’s curveballs?
Two powerful and empowering therapeutic approaches—Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Radical Acceptance from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)—combine well to help us break free from the illusion of luck and take a more active, self-compassionate role in shaping our lives. Together, these approaches can help us identify harmful thought patterns, reframe our beliefs, and embrace the things we can’t control without losing hope or direction. This is definitely not about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It’s about acknowledging life’s challenges while creating space for growth, healing, and self-esteem.
The Luck Myth: Why “Lucky” and “Unlucky” Don’t Tell the Whole Story
“I’m just unlucky.” How many times have you thought or heard this? Whether it’s a string of bad days or a single big disappointment, it’s tempting to chalk things up to luck (or the lack thereof). But this mindset can keep us stuck. If we believe we’re at the mercy of luck, we might:
Blame external circumstances for our feelings and actions.
Feel powerless to change our situation.
Avoid taking responsibility for choices that are within our control.
The truth? Life is a mix of things we can control and things we can’t. Individual moments (or even our emotional responses to them, which by the way, are automatic and out of your control!) don’t define us. While we can’t always choose what happens to us, once we’ve soothed any painful automatic response we might have, we can choose how we respond—and that choice can make all the difference.
This is where CBT and Radical Acceptance come in. These approaches help us shift from feeling like life is happening to us, to actively engaging with the challenges and opportunities in front of us.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Restructuring the Way We Think
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is rooted in the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected. By identifying and changing unhelpful thought patterns, we can create new pathways for healthier emotions and actions. Let’s break it down:
1. Identifying Core Beliefs
Core beliefs are the deeply held assumptions we have about ourselves, others, and the world. For example:
“I’m not good enough.”
“People can’t be trusted.”
“Bad things always happen to me.”
These beliefs often operate beneath the surface but shape how we interpret and react to events. In CBT, the first step is bringing these beliefs into awareness.
2. Practicing Cognitive Restructuring
Once we’ve identified a core belief, we can begin to challenge it. Cognitive restructuring involves:
Examining Evidence: What evidence supports or contradicts this belief? Are there examples from your life that show a different perspective?
Reframing: How can you reinterpret the situation in a way that is more balanced or empowering?
Testing New Thoughts: Experiment with adopting a new thought and notice how it impacts your emotions and actions.
For example:
Old Belief: “I always mess things up.”
Reframe: “I made a mistake, but mistakes are how I learn and grow.”
3. Creating New Neural Pathways
Each time we challenge a negative thought and replace it with a healthier one, we’re strengthening new neural connections in the brain. Over time, these pathways become stronger and more automatic, making it easier to think positively and respond flexibly.
Radical Acceptance: Embracing What You Can’t Control
While CBT focuses on changing how we think, Radical Acceptance emphasizes accepting the things we can’t change. Rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Radical Acceptance is not about liking or condoning difficult situations. Instead, it’s about acknowledging reality as it is, so we can move forward without wasting energy on resistance or denial.
1. What Radical Acceptance Is (and Isn’t)
What It Is: Facing painful realities head-on, letting go of the need to control everything, and focusing on what you can influence.
What It Isn’t: Giving up, condoning harmful behavior, or pretending everything is okay.
2. Why Acceptance is Necessary
When we resist reality, suffering can be compounded in an already difficult situation. For example:
Pain: “This situation is hard.”
Resistance: “This shouldn’t be happening. It’s unfair, and I can’t stand it.”
Radical Acceptance: “This situation is hard, but it’s happening. I can’t change what’s already happened, but I can choose how I respond.”
3. Making a Values-Based Plan
Once you’ve accepted what’s outside your control, you can focus on what is within your control. Radical Acceptance encourages:
Emotion Regulation: Allowing yourself to feel difficult emotions without letting them take over.
Values-Based Action: Identifying what matters most to you and making choices that align with those values.
Bringing CBT and Radical Acceptance Together
CBT and Radical Acceptance might seem like opposites—one focuses on change, the other on acceptance. But together, they offer a powerful framework for navigating life’s challenges. Here’s how:
Acknowledge the Pain: Start with self-compassion and taking care of yourself. Name what you’re feeling and allow yourself to sit with it without judgment.
Example: “I’m really hurt that I didn’t get the job. It’s okay to feel disappointed.”
Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts: Use CBT to reframe negative beliefs that might arise.
Example: “Not getting this job doesn’t mean I’m a failure. It just means this opportunity wasn’t the right fit.”
Take Action: Make a values-based plan to move forward.
Example: “One of my values is growth, so I’ll use this as a learning experience to refine my interview skills.”
Tips for Practicing Self-Compassion Along the Way
Both CBT and Radical Acceptance require practice and patience. Here are some tips for staying compassionate with yourself:
Talk to Yourself Like a Friend: Replace harsh self-criticism with supportive, encouraging words.
Instead of: “Why can’t I get it together?”
Try: “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
Celebrate Small Wins: Every step forward is progress, no matter how small. Acknowledge your efforts and growth.
Allow for Setbacks: Change isn’t linear. Be kind to yourself when old patterns resurface.
Remember You’re Not Alone: Struggle is part of the human experience. You’re in good company.
Creating Your Own Luck
While luck might play a role in life’s circumstances, it doesn’t define your happiness or resilience. By using CBT to reframe unhelpful thoughts and Radical Acceptance to embrace what’s out of your control, you can take an active role in shaping your mindset, emotions, and actions.
This isn’t about denying the pain, discomfort, or unfairness that life sometimes throws our way. It’s about meeting those challenges with courage, compassion, and the belief that growth is always possible. And honestly, what could be luckier than that?